cogito, scribo et amo ergo sum

9gag: You’re never really this is a pretty accurate of my...

Thu, 02 May 2013 15:22:28 +0100

You’re never really

this is a pretty accurate of my days lately. I guess… what doesn’t kill you, fucks you up mentally.

life lately.

Thu, 02 May 2013 15:11:50 +0100

Two weeks ago (really? whoa. so quick!) I submitted my last-ever undergraduate essays, so technically I am done with my academic Goldsmiths life - I’m still working as a staff/intern until September. Speaking of my essays, I broke a new record of essay-writing/editing: 24 hours - 2 decent essays. I submitted a shamefully poor production essay - and no, I am not exaggerating this bit: to begin with, I didn’t even reach the word count and I didn’t put enough theoretical reference. The essay itself will only worth 30% of the overall practice grade (the short story worth 60% and then there’s the 10% group-work mark) but I guess, I sort of blew my chance on getting a first-degree for my practice. Lessons learnt: being angsty about the uncertain future can actually ruin the present, which might negatively affect the future.

The past month has been one of stress, indeed. I’ve lost all motivation to finish the course works, got caught up in holiday plans, reached a point where I’ve asked myself over and over “WTF am I gonna do with my life?”, got very well-acquainted with insecurities and personal inadequacies - does fifth-life crisis exist? or is this a neoliberal self-reflexivity shenanigans talking?

Masters.
Haven’t heard back from NUS yet - counting down the days to May 31, which should be their deadline in coming up with a decision. I’ve become unhealthily obsessed with checking my emails because of this - sometimes I get paranoid too: what if they’ve sent it a while ago but it got to my spam folder and I just emptied it - without checking? I want to email the College and ask but they say they can’t accommodate queries about application outcome - what if they cross me out because of this (maybe they’d think I’m not patient enough?). But then again, what if the whole “we can’t accommodate queries” is actually a test too; I do not act on this thus they’d think I don’t want the degree bad enough and just passively waiting instead.

Okay, clearly my stress level is going out of control now.

Then there’s Leopard’s last issue/hand-over meeting, band album, move-out-for-good plans, content-creation for my internship… then maybe Jakarta, for a bit, depending on when/where postgraduate school starts.

Hm, busy.
Busy is… a high enthusiasm in living but with poor time management system.

Yes, I’m aware of how bitter I am lately.
As well as how immature it is to vent on my blog.
I’ll try to sort my mess as soon as possible, but until then, please forgive me if I’m being overly cynical about stuff - I’ll try my best to keep things to myself too.

aku, yang diam. kamu, yang turut terpaku. kita, yang berpura-pura dalam hening.

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 19:40:00 +0100

aku, yang diam.
kamu, yang turut terpaku.
kita, yang berpura-pura dalam hening.

It’s not the first time. She has felt this way before. It hurts just the same. They’re...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 05:23:48 +0100

It’s not the first time.
She has felt this way before.
It hurts just the same.

They’re not meant to be.
She knew it all along but
she lied to herself.

Just move on, they said.
Plenty of fish in the sea!
But he was her sea.

Feelings unspoken.
Hearts are broken to pieces.
But friendship remains.

It’s hopeless, hopeless.
She shouldn’t have expected.
This is all her fault.

rarasekar: Andai perasaan adalah sebuah persamaan. Akan kukurangi dengan bilangan yang lebih besar...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 22:13:00 +0100

rarasekar:

Andai perasaan adalah sebuah persamaan. Akan kukurangi dengan bilangan yang lebih besar sehingga ia tak perlu ada lagi. Andai perasaan adalah sebuah perhitungan. Akan kucari rumus agar suatu saat kita bisa memahami. Andai perasaan adalah sebuah perkalian. Akan kukalikan nol dan kubuatmu mengerti.

jtotheizzoe: I’m sort of thrown off today. it’s hard to be...

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 23:43:53 +0100

jtotheizzoe:

I’m sort of thrown off today. it’s hard to be motivated to bring you science when there’s Reality going on.

When something hits us upside the head like the Boston Marathon explosions, we can feel dizzy, disoriented … left swirling in a dust-storm of rapidly beating hearts, furrowed brows, held breath and shaking heads. That’s how I feel, anyway. I’ve been sitting here, repeatedly muttering statements that begin with “What the f…” and simultaneously cheering and cursing the power of social media to communicate painful news. I keep looking through Twitter and blogs, knowing exactly what I’ll see and don’t want to. So powerful, but so unfiltered.

It’s not the first time in the past year that this message from Fred Rogers has been appropriate, and that’s perhaps the ultimate tragedy. But he’s right. Every photo of violence and blood in the streets of Boston that we won’t unsee is full of people running in to help. And if we have to look, that’s what we should focus on.

My thoughts are with Boston.

On another note, amid this tragedy, it’s worth noting that in some parts of the world a bombing with 2 dead and 64 injured barely warrants a headline. The fact that some people still feel the need to threaten another by killing fellow living beings makes me sad and angry. How could people be so selfish, cruel, and act as if karma’s nothing? My thoughts are with Boston and everyone who lives under horrible terror. This has to end.

how are you? is a question you never wholeheartedly answer. -...

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 14:24:43 +0100

how are you? is a question you never wholeheartedly answer. - ben

SUN, BABY, SUN!

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 17:36:39 +0100

SUN, BABY, SUN!

I don’t know what’s happening to me but lately I’ve found it really hard to concentrate. I’m tired...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 21:19:38 +0100

I don’t know what’s happening to me but lately I’ve found it really hard to concentrate. I’m tired all the time, despite doing no energy-consuming, physical activities. I’m tired even though recently I’ve had enough/more than enough sleep. I’m losing appetite so cooking+eating has become merely functional (not to mention I have to finish those vegetables before they go off). In addition, it seems like every little thing I do now leads to re-examination of myself and the life decisions I’ve taken.

Also, although I’m not procrastinating (because I can’t afford it with the time I have now) I’m falling behind with my to-do lists and that annoys me.

almanak-almari: “That the piece is more beautiful for having...

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 18:00:13 +0100

almanak-almari:

“That the piece is more beautiful for having been broken…”

“It’s an endless quest, without knowing what your...

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 22:34:29 +0100

“It’s an endless quest, without knowing what your quest is.” - Life, as a 9-year old beautifully puts it.

jurassicpunk: Security camera clips that make the news usually...

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 21:02:05 +0100

jurassicpunk:

Security camera clips that make the news usually show bad things, but Coke decided to “look at the world a little differently” in this heartwarming viral video. They found security camera footage from around the world showing happy moments: people stealing kisses instead of possessions, dealing potato chips instead of drugs, and offering car assistance rather than road rage. [x]

The friendship one tho.

meh.

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 00:27:07 +0000

It’s safe to say spring has been postponed, if not cancelled, here in Europe. But I’m not sure if that’s the reason why I’ve been so unmotivated to do anything.

I haven’t started writing my essays yet, which are due in three weeks. Usually by this time I’d be done with all my research but now I haven’t even finished and the limited amount of books in the library adds to the stress, not to mention, the self-blaming for not doing it earlier - oh well, this is what happens when you have too many things to do and not (yet) a pro time manager.

Anyway.

Sometimes I wonder if the real reason why I’m really taking these three essays slowly or procrastinating, if you like to put it that way, is because writing them will only remind me of how little time I’ve left before university is really Over (with a capital O!)

Comparison is really the thief of joy and I know I shouldn’t stress myself by trying to compare with others yet I can’t help but feeling anxious whenever I hear a friend/someone I know got into grad school/a job offer/any related post-graduation plan. I’m very happy for them and heaven knows, I’m truly, madly, deeply proud of my friends! Still, I feel as if in comparison, I haven’t made any progress. It’s like, all my friends got a job and/or an offer from prestigious schools and here I am, taking life one existential crisis at a time.

Well, I suppose it could be worse. I could have two crises at a time. Or something.

Ck.

I know I should stop doing this to myself but sometimes I can’t help feeling insecure.

awelltraveledwoman: We enter a little coffeehouse with a...

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 23:37:04 +0000

awelltraveledwoman:

We enter a little coffeehouse with a friend of mine and give our order. While we’re aproaching our table two people come in and they go to the counter:
‘Five coffees, please. Two of them for us and three suspended’ They pay for their order, take the two and leave.

I ask my friend: “What are those ‘suspended’ coffees?”
My friend: “Wait for it and you will see.”

Some more people enter. Two girls ask for one coffee each, pay and go. The next order was for seven coffees and it was made by three lawyers - three for them and four ‘suspended’. While I still wonder what’s the deal with those ‘suspended’ coffees I enjoy the sunny weather and the beautiful view towards the square infront of the café. Suddenly a man dressed in shabby clothes who looks like a beggar comes in throught the door and kindly asks
‘Do you have a suspended coffee ?’

It’s simple - people pay in advance for a coffee meant for someone who can not afford a warm bevarage. The tradition with the suspended coffees started in Naples, but it has spread all over the world and in some places you can order not only a suspended coffee, but also a sandwitch or a whole meal.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have such cafés or even grocery stores in every town where the less fortunate will find hope and support ? If you own a business why don’t you offer it to your clients… I am sure many of them will like it.

Source : [x]

Oh my. This is so good.

Oh. My. Lord. Faith in humanity: restored. I will definitely support this :)

Meh. Sleep is for the weak. I can’t afford to be...

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 06:10:13 +0000

Meh. Sleep is for the weak. I can’t afford to be weak.
Because of deadline! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

jatuh tempo.

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 23:13:23 +0000

“Kita tidak membuang waktu. Waktu yang membuang kita, pelan-pelan.” - Goenawan Mohammad.

Ah, kata-kata yang keluar dari pikiran seorang pujangga/wartawan itu memang beda ya. Mudah-mudahan suatu hari nanti aku juga bisa merangkai kata-kata pamungkas semacam itu. Ya, mudah-mudahanlah.

Malam ini adalah malam minggu biasa yang dihabiskan sendiri di kamar, di lantai kamar lebih tepatnya. (Seharusnya) mengerjakan tugas kuliah yang sedang banyak-banyaknya dan/atau menyelesaikan ‘proyek’ kado ulang tahun untuk dia, si pemuda yang mengaku sederhana walau sebenarnya sangat istimewa. Tapi, seperti biasa pula, aku terdampar di sini.

Minggu depan akan menjadi minggu terakhir kuliah. Setelah itu libur panjang untuk mengerjakan tugas akhir, yang harus dikumpulkan pada akhir bulan April. Kemudian, libur. Sampai dengan wisuda. Lalu sarjana.

Lantas,… belum jelas akan dibawa ke mana.

peter-draw: The infographic shows Jakarta is very social,...

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 18:21:00 +0000

peter-draw:

The infographic shows Jakarta is very social, ranked second in terms of the world’s top cities on Facebook (Bangkok is first). When it comes to Twitter, Jakarta alone contributed about 2.4 percent of the 10.6 billion Twitter posts made worldwide from January to March this year. Tokyo came close, creating 2.3 percent of all tweets. The nation as a whole has 29 million Twitter users.

Brand24.co.id

I’m putting this on my essay.

befairbefunky: Rockstar Yogi Adam Levine so I have just...

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 21:32:59 +0000

befairbefunky:

Rockstar Yogi Adam Levine

so I have just found out that his maid is actually an Indonesian woman.

Four days of no sleeping, no eating, self-hating and 9,500 words...

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 22:48:07 +0000

Four days of no sleeping, no eating, self-hating and 9,500 words later, I’m finally done with rewrite number… man, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been altering this story.

It’s still not the final one just yet and there are still quite a lot of tweaking to do here and there (on my priority right now is replacing the word ‘looked’ with some actions or something. Also, build up the tension for the couple that is supposed to be the main characters in this piece.) Structure-wise, I think the story now is on the right track. But I dunno, I’m not sure. I guess I shouldn’t get so absorbed in this version.

Anyway, I must say, all the torment was worth it.

ilovecharts: Cheers, Rand -Rand MacIvor Still working on...

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 13:38:02 +0000

ilovecharts:

Cheers, Rand

-Rand MacIvor

Still working on my romcom short story. I am fully aware of how it has pretty much taken over my life. Oh well… Have a great weekend, people.