uhm, so far ‘unemployment’ is great.

with no obligations to study/work, I can do stuff that I haven’t been doing in a while (without feeling slightly guilty for not using the time to study/work instead), such as creating collages (I finally added 5 pieces of decorative wisdom words collage in our kitchen), sitting in coffee shops, reading magazines, catching up with all the season finales of my favourite series, pondering/philosophising about life and mankind - blessed thee, the inventor of windows. and many more…

including, you know, just staying in and doing nothing.

today was really sunny and so I decided to go on an Obama adventure. Obama adventure? you know, it’s an adventure, with Obama. Oll ba maself. HAHA. (the other day I asked Windy which Friends character I am and she said I’m between Ross and Monica, but this kind of dark, dry humour makes me feel like Chandler)

so the initial plan was to go to British Museum and so I got off at Holborn. but then as I was walking towards Russel Square, I didn’t feel like going there anymore. I don’t know why, I felt like going to somewhere not as crowded and touristy I guess. so I walked around Bloomsbury, found this cool coffeeshop - but I wasn’t in the mood for sitting down just yet, so I strolled around, crossing some parks, and then I found myself in Covent Garden.

and since I was already there, I headed to Buddha On A Bicycle to get some incense - I bought three packs: musk, jasmine, and amber. so happy! can’t wait to burn them in the morning! - then walked in to some other shops on my way to Soho/Leicester Square.

at this point the heat was really intense and so after I got my Indomie supply from Chinatown, I decided to walk towards Trafalgar Square to ‘cool off’ in National Portraits Gallery. The gallery was nice, pretty much everybody in the British history - from King Edward I to Kate Moss - has their picture somewhere in the gallery. but I gotta say, of all the portraits, my favourite section in the whole gallery is this little area with ‘portraits of the unknown’. basically, it’s portraits of possibly-famous people in the Renaissance that can no longer be identified due to insufficient data. I don’t know, it’s just, there’s something about these people… the fact that once, they existed and perhaps had significant contribution that enabled them to get their portrait painted. but now,… well, I guess it’s safe to say that they’ve been forgotten. but still, for that one brief moment, they lived. hm.

anyway, I feel like walking some more. preferably somewhere unfamiliar. I think I might go to Glastonbury some time around this holidays. no, not for the festival. but for the crop circle tours - and ‘alternative’ stuff alike. haha. but seriously, I’d love to go there.

and perhaps I should visit other places too, going for the ultimate ‘obama adventure’. while I’m still here, while I’m still free.

yes. why not. why not.

so, second year was officially over two days ago when I finished writing my Culture, Society and Individual exam (I still love how the acronym for the course is CSI - makes me feel scientifically smarter HAHA). not sure if I wrote a good argument or I started to believe my own bullshit, but I think I did pretty well during that 2 hours of endless writing. and so it was, the last exam of my undergraduate life. for my third year I will only submit examined essays. yes, essays and not a dissertation. I just don’t trust myself writing a dissertation, though I know it’ll make grad school so much easier if I do it now. but ‘easy’ is not a challenge, isn’t it? and I like to challenge myself because I’m so cocky like that.

regardless, hello un-summer-like summer!

seriously, there is something wrong with the weather. sun, y u no come out?

moving on, I’m pretty much jobless now. I still haven’t secured an internship yet and strangely enough I’m cool about it. in the worst case scenario where I can’t find anything, I still have my student ambassador job, The Leopard and I will probably help Abbie and Jessie out at Neverlazy. and I can always go back to decorating the house, writing poetry and short stories, brushing up my Japanese and Korean (I’ve given up on Mandarin, I think), and playing guitar. singing la la la la, let’s all sing! la la la la hallelujah.

for sure, in the next three weeks Imma be lazing around, going to film screenings, exhibitions, musicals, concerts. simply submerging myself in enjoyable, cultural life. then from june to october, I have no idea. no travel plans as of yet, but definitely not going home this summer. no big deal, though I won’t deny that I really miss Jakarta and its people.

Jakarta Jerkarta. not sure which one I miss the most:
- eating rice for breakfast in front of the TV, watching news/gossip. OR having coffee and croissant with mom at the Starbuck’s in her office.
- lunch at my grandparents. OR ‘cafe talk’ with best friends.
- street food hunting. OR second-hand shopping.
- sushi tei. OR bakerzin.
- salihara. OR taman ismail marzuki.
- driving. OR taking a cab.

june to october. dayum, five months of freedom. or lack thereof.

as much as I feel the pressure to find work to make my CV more polished, I don’t feel the need to rush it. not rushing, hm perhaps not quite a good thing to do in an instant-obsessed society like this. whatever, I enjoy embarking on a journey, it gives you time to prepare. then to reflect.

yada yada yada.

I don’t know much about how you’re supposed to mature, but I think as I grow older, my view on life has become more hippie-ish. it’s like when all Jason Mraz’s songs make sense to you and you live your life according to it. haha, guess it is safe to say that I’ve become the curbside prophet’s follower. speaking of Jason, I really like his new album. not really a fan of I Won’t Give Up, I prefer Be Honest. I also like the psychedelic feeling of 5/6 and The World As I See It but my favourite’s gotta be Who’s Thinking About You Now?, which apparently is also Jason’s favourite track as well from this album (Y).

what else what else. one of my cousins is getting married in november. he’s only 24. wow. I still can’t picture myself getting married at 24. to be honest, with this kind of eccentricity and semi-workaholic-ness, it is more likely that I’ll still be single at 30 (the average marriage age for women, according to The Telegraph), but I suppose it isn’t so bad. besides, there is never a cosmic mandate for people to get married, why so anxious?

here’s a picture of a swan.

ngecat rambut lagi. yah, sekali-kali narsis ngababil dikit lah ya.

It’s Easter Sunday today, the weather is awful outside. Cloudy and cold, the kind of weather that puts you off working. But at least it’s not raining.

Here I am, wearing my favourite black top and batik customised skirt. On the table, there’s a glass of Sumatra Mandheiling black coffee and a piece of plain mantou bun. Sinatra is playing through the speaker. A perfect afternoon is perfect.

No, I am not sitting at a corner of some fancy and quirky coffee shop. In fact, I haven’t stepped outside this house the whole day. I am in my room, daydreaming.

Yes, daydreaming.
My other favourite activity besides writing and talking.

Yes, instead of applying for an internship and a summer job, or condemning myself for not getting any callbacks from the companies I’ve applied, or starting my revision, I have been spending the afternoon with my imagination. Picturing the life I’m gonna have in my late twenties.

So, in five to ten years from now, I’m already an arts graduate. I will be serving fries in McDonald’s living a happy, quiet and simple life.

I don’t know exactly where I’m gonna reside by then. Well I’m hoping it’s a city somewhere in a tropical Asian country, like Jakarta or Bangkok or even Singapore (that is, if they’re still accepting professional foreigners and if I can no longer find a space to park my car in Jakarta hehe).

I can also picture myself in Ubud, writing, meditating, being a hot yoga chick, riding my bicycle just like Freddie Mercury told me so.

Moreover, I still don’t know if I can/will pursue it full-time, but most definitely, I will write for a living. Someday, my books are going to be published and you will be able to get it at your nearest book stores. Or Amazon, if your finger is that attached to your screen. I’d like to have my own column at a magazine or newspaper. My column will be on urban living, it’s probably gonna be similar like Carrie Bradshaw’s Sex and the City column. Only smarter. HAHA no offence, those of you carried away SATC fans, I’m a fan myself :)

I have high hopes that by that time, I will already have a steady boyfriend - yes readers, laugh together with me, HA HA HA. Anyway, desperation for romance and affection aside, he, Mr. Right, is smart and he writes. He cooks, he plays an instrument and he can sing. Le boyfriend might not be as kooky as I am, but he appreciates my taste in fashion, music and room decorating. We will go to museums, concerts and theatres but I’ll also be fine with sitting on the beach, reading or spending the night in, playing guitars. Hm, I hope he’s a great - decent, at least - photographer, because I’d want our ‘Adventure in Turkey/Morocco/South America’ holiday albums to look nice hehehe. He either drives a mini cooper or rides on a vintage Vespa.

He* and I will own a little coffee shop that is also a book+record store: a café-shop (* ‘He’ can also be replaced with ‘my friends’ if God forbid, I’m destined to be a spinster. HAHAHA). The place is gonna look cool. It’s a mishmash of eclectic furniture and kitchen wares from around the world.

That café-shop is where you can find me during the day, either writing or chatting with friends/customers or serving coffee or having my book signing event. Once every fortnight, I will arrange a movie screening or a book talk or I can invite my musician friends to have a small, acoustic gig there.

Oh yes, I can certainly picture myself living a life like that.

So, goodbye to a cubicle at the Vogue headquarter in New York City because I’ll be sipping my chai latte while watching my friends perform at my small café-shop, somewhere in a tropical Asian city.

…is tumblring. right.

le sigh. le facepalm.

i could’ve and should’ve been working towards my degree right now (doing school work) but here i am. as you may or may not know from the recent blog posts, i am kinda jaded. and seriously i don’t know why it is happening.

why is it that lately i’ve been lazy and unmotivated to do anything?
and by anything, i mean everything except showering, cleaning the kitchen, staying in touch with friends and spending time with them.

i don’t feel like watching tv series (haven’t watched any in the past 3 weeks. no shit). i don’t feel like reading long texts without pictures HAHA. i don’t feel like browsing the internet, reading and replying emails, facebook-ing, even TWEEETING. omfg.

oh and actually, if it ain’t for the sake of ‘surviving’, to be honest i don’t feel like eating. cooking? bitch please, who wants to cut chillies and vegetables then cook them when you can simply fry eggs or make indomie? i’m not too excited about doing groceries and buying foods either -which is unusual, since i’ve always loved coming to supermarkets.

jeesuz kryzt, i sound like a suicidal person who’s bored with life!
nah, chillax, i may be weary but i’m not suicidal.
could it be a quarter-life crisis?

but i’m not even sure why am i stressing out on becoming an adult. it’s not like it’s a total blur anyway, i’m pretty confident that i’d turn up fine. it’s not because i’m freaking out about having responsibilities too, i think. i mean, i grew up having this “you can’t screw up otherwise they all gonna think you as one of those dysfunctional household’s ‘products’” mentality; that is one big fat duty. certainly i’m not afraid of being old and boring. since when does becoming old have to be boring anyway?

nonetheless, if this apathy keep on going, where am i heading with my life?

my plan for the future.

anyway, lacking motivation issue aside, these are what i’ve been up to lately.

- lovely valentine’s dinner with lovely fellow ForeverAlone

yep, just as i thought that

the all single flatmates (with no ring on it #sorryBeyonce) decided to have a dinner date in La Tasca on our own because spending valentine with your boyfriend is too mainstream LOL. and in the spirit of anti-valentine, we all wore dark colours, with just a little touch of pink.

and since i love these people more than i love my money and my time *insert ‘Aaaww’ here*, i decided to get each of them a V-day’s gift. a ‘personalized’ Bloomsberry&Co. chocolate bar, wrapped with old newspaper and magazine (reuse and recycle rule!) and a personal ‘love letter’ put inside an envelope with a self-made Boromir meme glued at the front.

so glad that they liked it. happiness is…seeing happiness in others.

- learning how to play guitar again

matt has provoked influenced me to buy a guitar and start again. and what can i say, six years are such a long time for a ‘hiatus’ so i kinda re-learn everything from the start again. this is what happen when you quit too soon.

meet Kenny, my new guitar :)

it feels so good to play guitar again. and now that we have two guitarists in the house (possibly three, because windy is learning it too), it’s only a matter of time (AND SKILL) before we start a band and write a song to sing along.

- seeing my cousins.

guess which one is the diplomat, the banker and the Goldsmiths alumnus? ;p

not much to say, but i guess i should consider myself lucky to have family over here. cos as much as these people can be so intellectually intimidating, it’s so much fun to share a family joke/gossip with these people.

so, i managed to go through two decades without getting pregnant, using drugs, being expelled from school, fighting with my parents, getting into a dramatic cat fight with friends….yep, i guess that is worth celebrating for!

thursday, january 26 2012. finally twenty. TWO-ZERO.

so the day started with a squeaky surprise from my beyond-awesome flatmates at midnight. (yes, i said it was ‘squeaky because of the squeaky stairs to my room at the attic, which means that i could actually listen to their footsteps as they were coming in. LOL. but still, i find it surprising! i thought they were gonna use the bathroom LOLOLOLOLOL. thank you, matt, abbie, and windy!)

(cutting the cake with gusto, indeed. thanks for taking this pic, matt! and anak labsky, YOI BRO ITU BAJU BINTAMA!)

yes, chocolate cake at midnight. one was so ready to use this day to eat as many fatty foods as possible. stuffed, nearly killed to death by chocolate, we spent an hour watching City of God. (it’s a mindfuckingly awesome movie, you should totally watch it)

then bed.

the rest of the days went almost like usual, the only difference being the amount of birthday wishes i received that day (d’oh), some friends at school said it personally, me likey. while some also said it through sms, whatsapp, twitter and facebook, me lovey some witty messages…such as this:

some messages on the cards are also lovely. such as this, from the rest of the ForeverAlone house’ people (my flatmates ;p):

a fan of mine (yes, i’m not being cocky here. he, himself admitted of being a fan of my writings -not of the writer. hahaha) created this kinda-sorta-maybe scary myth about cats and death which turned out to be a hoax made just to ‘ruin’ my birthday mood. hahaha dammit abang, you got me! penggemar macam apa ini? ayo kirimin kopi acehnya!

my best friend of 14 years even dedicated a post on her tumblr. whoa, dude…one does not simply forget that kind of effort.

coolness. defined.

thank you thank you thank you thank you.

then party.
yeah right. as if.
being a party veteran (so long, those crazy nights in high school!), i chose a more ‘intimate’ activity: EATING. hahaha. i decided to treat my closest goldsmiths friends a dinner in ed’s diner in soho, the one opposite waxy o’ connor (if you haven’t been there already, this place is worth visit. it used to be a church, but today it’s one of the coolest bars in london, IMO.)

thank you, 谢谢, cảm ơn bạn, 감사합니다, terima(ke)kasih, FRIENDZZZ!

one and a half hour later and there we were, stuffed and nearly dead by burgers, cheese, and mouth-gasmic MILKSHAKES.

no shit, epic meal time! (this hasn’t include jun-eun-joyce’s meals btw)

the night was young and so were we ;p but the grannies and grandpas (and not to mention, the overdosed tummy-monsters) in all of us seemed to force us to call it a night (IT WAS….7.30pm-ish?!) so…we….went home.

watched the rest of City of God, replied some more wishes…and there went my first day of official ‘adulthood’.

and so far, it’s going good :)

so these are what i got for my birthday from everyone: friends and family.

i love them all, but…gotta admit that my favourite present is the customized tumbler with pictures of my friends. it’s simply epic. LOVE IT. A LOT.

LOL. michael’s face is such an attention grabber indeed.
ingrid’s message: Forever Alone No More. Soon.—> bangkeeee :))))
nicole, my bitchhhh hahaha. awesome hair!
love abbie’s face and peeking jun! hahaha

thank you thank you thank you.

yesterday was beyond legendary. awesomeness level: ASIAN (pun intended, yes LOL)

okay, let’s move on to the cheesy-but-true part:

you see, i’m not the type of person who gets excited on their birthdays and i can’t say any better how the idea of having a birthday party scares me. but all of those greetings, presents, surprises (and this year…it’s been the third year in a row that i got birthday surprise! *holding my tears*), and simply the presence of YOU people….i just can’t thank you enough. i feel blessed.

you see, blessing is….the awesome moment when you have the best people to be your best friends.

life is pretty. so…adulthood? challenge accepted!

good night and be good, good people!
i love you!

wasting time.

so i missed gamelan again today. been the fourth time. in a row. and now i’m bitching about it on tumblr just to show how bad i feel about it. it’s not that i did it on purpose, oh well…i don’t know, maybe i am. ah, i don’t know, really.

i’ve been busy lately. or maybe not, maybe i’m just pretending that i am just so that i won’t feel that bad about missing things. oh the bad, bad, bad self-deception! perhaps i’m not busy, i just haven’t really managed my time well.

but it’s true, i have so many things to do. from school’s academic works, practice’s project (film film film!), stuff with The Leopard, this blog (which hasn’t been updated as often as i wished :/), reading for self-development purpose…and the list goes on. ALTHOUGH, actually compared to last year, i didn’t have that many things to do. no more internship with College Fashionista now, and that was quite time consuming. i didn’t write as regularly for The London Student as i did last year either.

and though, academically speaking, the stake is now bigger at the second year, i also haven’t felt that ‘academic kick’ (you know that kind of feeling where you feel so motivated to work for school). i don’t feel like i have learnt much, i’m not sure if it’s because there’s not enough time to do it, or it’s just me who hasn’t really put that much effort. i mean, i’ve been working for my assignments and stuff, it just didn’t feel as productive as i’d like it to be. i did better than this. once i was a nerdy workaholic with a “work hard, party hard” mentality (hello 16-year-old me! long time no see!), which totally paid off at the end, but now it’s like “just finish the work. no party, just sleep”. no me gusta.

considering that school isn’t actually that intense, i should’ve put more effort on school (and other stuff that i need to do). i feel like…i’m wasting my time and no, i’m not enjoying it (sorry, john lennon).

i know that time has changed (it was high school, c’mon!) and of course, i’m not the same person as i was back then, but still….i’d love to have that perseverance and dedication again. (i plead guilty for longing for the ‘glorious’ days of the past. ;p) ah, maybe it’s the old-overachiever-perfectionist me, kicking back in (i’ve become way more laid back and relaxed since college, which is good. to a certain extent)…who knows.

it’s funny how i’ve kinda “lost” that ‘perseverance and dedication’ just as my vision about my future is getting clearer. it’s like i’ve set the goals and stuff, but here i am, just waiting for my rocket to come.

about this ‘time-wasting/laziness/whatever’…actually, could it be because i’m not busy enough? it seems to me that i perform better when i have so many things on my to-do list. hmmm….but i really don’t feel like adding anything on my agenda as of late.

perhaps it’s just a phase. perhaps it’s just that time of your life when you feel like you don’t want to commit to so many “responsibilities”. perhaps it’s just my time to relax a bit. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…

rarasekar:

(photo taken at Keuken, Bandung)

Someone asked the Dalai Lama what surprises him most. This was his response.

“Man, because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices his money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future. He lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies, having never really lived.”

it’s 2.30AM-ish and here I am blogging from Salzburg (not that the location matters, I just feel like typing the word “SALZBURG” actually).

and as usual, whenever I have trouble sleeping and I don’t feel like thinking much, I always go on Facebook to check out on people’s pictures (GUILTY PLEASURE NOTED). tonight is no different, I’ve just finished going through pictures of people I went to high school with. (admit it, it’s fun)

the last time I saw most of them was 2 years ago and GOD, HOW THEY’VE CHANGED!
Mostly for the better ;)

it’s amazing to see how they’ve evolved from high school kids into these med/engineering/accounting/art, etc etc etc students. How different they look now.

hmm, I’ve changed a lot too.

FIVE years ago I was this emo kid from Bandung with a super ugly asymmetric pixie hair (I’m still blaming this dude in Roger’s Walter Mongonsidi for ruining the cuts, making my first semester filled with insecurities over a bad haircut -it was hideous, I’m not overreacting). was having quite a hard time adjusting to new school (first year at Labsky was a living hell), new crowds, new lifestyle, new city, new family. wasn’t exactly the most popular kid, but I think I was quite notoriously known for my emo-ness and my reputation as “the girl who dismissed her first desk mate because she thought her desk mate was a weirdo, little did she knew, everyone thought she’s a bit weird too” (lesson learnt: one mistake lead to another unfortunate events that could overshadow the rest of your high school life —>FML).

FOUR years ago I was this kid who got accepted in science major and then turned the offer down (like a boss) and chose to specialize in social science major. that was the best decision I took in high school. life was great, except for an unfortunate week of torturous mandatory military camp that burnt my face in half (no kidding. this happened), my skin was light (normal) from eye to the forehead and BLACK from nose to chin. the recovery was painful as the medication gave me acnes instead. FML. nevertheless, academically speaking…straight As, baby, straight As. and socially, I wasn’t the nerdiest kid at school. good enough, good enough.

THREE years ago I was a senior who often skipped PE class (for an early lunch at the canteen), afternoon prayers (for a relaxed nap in the air-conditioned chapel or library) and sometimes gamelan class (for a late afternoon chit-chat/gossip in the mosque). friendship was going strong with best friends, so life was awesome. the only drama that happened was only a small misunderstanding over a Facebook status and a rant post on my blog. it was actually kinda ugly, but whatever, I could be pretty hateable for some people, unfortunately. anyway, despite the flying colours, I had no idea what I wanna do in my life/for university. pretty much doomed.

TWO years ago I almost didn’t graduate high school because I was hospitalized for a week during the national exams (“awesome” job, body, “awesome” job). fortunately managed to finish the make up exams. hallelujah. almost flunked religion practical exam because I didn’t know what to say during the corpse prayers and cried during PE/basketball exam because I couldn’t score 10 successful shoots within 60 seconds (laugh as you want). turned down an offer from FE-UI because 95%-I didn’t want to be stuck studying something I don’t like for the next 4 years and 5%-I just wanted to rebel against the family hahaha. that decision caused a massive “turmoil” among the teachers and of course, my oh-so-serious-big family. was chosen as a valedictorian, and successfully messed up my speech due to the lack of preparation. not to mention blue soft-lenses malfunction. yeah for finishing high school with disgrace!

ONE year ago I was faced with the inevitable task of choosing university after taking a gap year in Canada.

looking back at my life in high school, I enjoyed it… but thank God, it gets better now.